Trent Willoughby

Closet Coves – Trent Willoughby

groundskeeper willie

Name:  Trent Willoughby
 Age:  24
 Lives:  The Great Northern
 Falls Asleep:  On prickly surfaces
 Nickname(s):  Kobayashi, Keith, Dub, Owen, Gub, Dublet, Gublet, Club Dub, Young Porky, Gullivarrr
 Sex:  Allegedly
 Employed:  Barely
 Relationship Status:  Grounds keeper
 Drinks with:  John Lloyd, Brendan Poder, Milton Staples, Grant Sampson-Sherwill, Skip Dozen, most of the eastern seaboard
 Trustworthy:  More than most Coves
 Achievements:  Not much.  Probably Ground of the Year, somehow not being single and somehow weighing less than 150 kgs.  Finding a meal between brunch and lunch.
 Meals a Day:  6-12
 Cannon Rating:  Too polite.  1 out of 10.
 Herdery Rating:  9 out of 10.  Can do a job on parmigiana and chicken satay.
 BFF:  Pushkar Thakur
 Presidential Candidate:  Certainly – who isn’t?
 Bev of choice after too bloated by beer:  Scotch
 Favourite Form of Exercise:  Push ups on driveways
 Hobbies:  Spilling schooners on babies
 Better Cricketer Than Wes?:  Yes, but so is Stephen Hawking.

Has been a while since the Closet saw any action, so we asked Kobayashi’s employer to catch Trent whilst holding up his end of a shovel during a morning tea break at work.  In this installment, Bryan ‘Big Demps’ Dempsey caught up with residential Lane Cove Mascot – Trent Willoughby.

BD: G’day maaaaaaaaaate.  Thanks for joining us in the closet, Trent.
TW: Are there Dagwoods I can smell in here?

You recently changed employers from Chatswood Golf Course to Lane Cove Council to take on the task of Head Groundsman at Tantallon Oval.  How is it going?
Oh, look Bryan.  I can’t speak highly enough of the Lane Cove Council.  I have learnt so much from my fellow work mates.  They really are a hard working bunch.  I thought making a cup of steaming hot tea used to be a fairly straight forward affair.  You know, boil the water, grab a mug, remove the tea bag from the box, place it in the mug, pour the boiling water in and wait for it to brew.  But I was so wrong.  They have taught me that the art of a truly magnificent cup of tea starts with the selection of tea leaves and the accompanying biscuit.  Who’d have thought?  But there are other things they have taught me too.  Work ethic is a good one.  I really pride myself in putting in a solid day’s work now.  Not that I really get pushed or monitored.  My boss is like a father to me and kind of lets me do my own thing most of the time.

Kind words there, Trent.  So you think you’ll stay at the Council?
Yeah, for sure.  It offers so much:  mateship, life lessons, comfy couches to sleep on at night time, money, employment.  I’ve slept at the ground on the odd occasion.  Once I used the pitch overs as my own little blankie before a 5th Grade match.  That was warm.  I often fall asleep in odd places – but some I can’t mention in the Closet with you Bryan!!

And how is your cricket going, Gub?
Thanks for asking Bryan.  I don’t really like talking about it much as I am a little bit peeved.  All those years I spent captaining our 5th Grade side, recruiting new players to the Club from bars far and wide, managing the day-to-day goings on in a cricket team – and we never really achieved the level of succes that I’d hoped for.  Gutting really.  So, under advisement from the Committee, I took a step back his year and have only played a few games.  What makes it even worse is that they have won just about everything so far – they’re going so well in fact that they could probably turn up and win a 2nd Grade game as well.  So I’m not travelling too well.  Maybe that’s why people are calling me ‘The Battler’ now.  I guess I should be happy for them.  But, well, you know.

Wow.  Must be difficult.  How’s your health lately?  Eating well?
Yeah – despite my cricket failings, I have managed my health pretty well.  I walk a lot (my usual circuit is from Crows Nest to Longueville, stopping by a couple of fruits on the way) – so I am exercising well.  There was a stitch up on the website about myDagwood eating skills, but it’s really not that bad.  It’s not like a drug habit that is controlling my life.  I’m on top of it.  I go to monthly meetings and they say I am progressing well.  Actually, this interview isn’t a stitch up is it Bryan?

No maaaaaaatte – I’ve got your best interests at heart.  So what do you do when you are away from work?
I’m a pretty bloke, so I fancy my chances out on the circuit.  I like to do what most young men do and frequent shady bars and clubs in pursuit of the opposite sex.  Actually, just quietly Bryan – late one night I somehow succeeded!!  Ha ha.  How funny is that??? (Trent chortles)  Ha ha.  Yeah, I’m off the market now.  Her name is Kate and she bakes me cookies.  So yeah, it’s going well.

Have you met her family yet?
Yeah, but that was an interesting day too.  Not as troublesome as when I met her grandparents.  My stomach was playing up on me and didn’t appreciate the schnitzel and beer I fed it.  So I was forced to lighten the load, as it were, before stumping up to their place.  Good people though.  Really good people.  They live in a good area too.  That’s important.  Good areas.  Good areas.

What about how you wind down from a stiff day at the office?
I like to look at myself in the mirror and comb my hair.  I have to you know – I’ve been told I have delicious curls, so I guess I should look after them.  I don’t want to turn into that Chris Granger cueball.  Other than that, I often head down to the Diddy for a refreshing ale.  That’s where me and the other Covie long termers talk cricketing tactics and I reminisce about winning games in U/14 cricket.  Maybe I should dust off the spikes for next season?  I hear 2nd Grade have a few retirements after their Grand Final win?

Not sure about that, Trent.  So where do you plan to be 10 years from now?
Look, someday I’d like kids.  I think the world would like me to have kids too.  I’d like to still be working at the Council – but maybe a bit higher up.  Someday they might offer me Blackman Park to preside over.  Cricketwise, I spent 8 long years under the watchful eye of former President John Lloyd.  We still often talk and I still harbour feelings to continue his Rum Rebellion of a Presidency and backslide into that role sometime in the future.  I hear its currently unavailable, but I’m available.

Best of luck with that.  Thanks for your time in the Closet, Trent.  Any parting words of advice?
Work hard, trust your instincts and pursue your dreams.  One night that meant I spent half an hour chasing Stu Myers around the dining room table because he stole my sandwich.  Oh, and stand close to the BBQ – it improves your reaction time when throwing down a lazy dozen Dagwoods.  Thanks Bryan.  See you at work on Monday for a cup of tea.

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